Sitting at my desk on the Monday after leaving Lake Geneva, my phone started pinging with text messages from other moms I’d met at the Gathering at the Lake. They, too, were struggling to readjust to life after the lake.
In the four years since our daughter Julia died, I regularly battle tears and often feel a general sense of despair. I frequently avoid meeting new people, not wanting to see the horror, pity, or distress on the other person’s face when I inevitably share that yes, I had a daughter, but that she was killed in a plane crash four years ago at the age of thirteen. I’ve been known to do an about-face in the grocery store to avoid the mother of one of Julia’s friends. I avoid sharing my true feelings with practically everyone in my life.
That all felt different last week in Lake Geneva. There were around twenty of us who gathered for two full days of sharing, stories, walks, a boat ride, crafts, laughs, and tears. We bonded quickly over the inconceivable loss of our only children, coming together as bereaved moms and dads, dropping our metaphorical masks and basking in the warmth of instant connection. No one balked when I cried, no one tried to convince me that time would make my loss easier to bear, and no one placated me with platitudes. Hugs were abundant, new relationships were genuine, and the pain of saying goodbye to new friends after two days was real.
Robin, Jean, Kristen, and Mary, our four organizers, planned a gathering with just the right balance of structured activities and casual moments. Their meticulousness led to shared bonds and an immediate sense of mutual understanding. As each of us navigates this shattered life without our children, these newly created ties to other moms and dads bring a comfort unlike anything I have yet experienced. What a blessing it is in my life to have been able to gather with such beautiful, loving parents.
by Christina Smith
Alive Alone provides many opportunities to connect with other now childless bereaved parents. While most are online, we are trying to develop more in-person connection opportunities.
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